pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
