Your mouth is God's brothel.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize