Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
