What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
