If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
