you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
