You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize