are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
