So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
