redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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