Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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