whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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