I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
