I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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