**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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