went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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