i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize