I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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