also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
