Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
