take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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