it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
