Kiss
Puke
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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