he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was born a porn star she said
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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