That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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