The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
