Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
