I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
