when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize