Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
