ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
