I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
