he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
