I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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