wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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