Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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