how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
