South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
