the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
