I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize