dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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