I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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