I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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