You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
