We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
