just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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