there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
