I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
