You don't have asthma, your pregnant
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Randomize