I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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