Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
