I could make wine with my vomit
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
