No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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