You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
