If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
