I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
