you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize