I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
