im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
