Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
