Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
