The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
