jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
