All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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