my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
