I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
