Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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