3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize