Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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