I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize