I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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