I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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