operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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