I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
