MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
