just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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