I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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