you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
