So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
