I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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