Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
