Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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