we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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