Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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